Monday, March 16, 2015

yesterday before i go to sleep, i picked up the most remarkable memory of my weekend.

it was when he picks my hair up and put it at the back of my shoulders that he thought i will get them
dipped in my food.

i didnt understand at first but i realized just how much the little gesture moves
my heart.

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Friday, August 24, 2012

even i don't know why.

seriously, i can't wait the day to come and i could meet bigbang at jakarta with my sis. i think she's probably by far my loveliest companion for this trip. it's a free trip and concert i won it through a radio contest, i never thought i will ever take part in. at first i was having a real dilemma about who to bring along since dearest sis doesn't know who bigbang is. i only wanna enjoy my concert especially if i can get to see jiyong from the front row, which is something i'd anticipated more than ever.

well it seems to other i'm a hardcore fan of bigbang. but i don't know. i just fell so deep that i can't believe the whole year around my emotions were controlled by them. i always thought i have a strong mind but even i don't know why. i really really like my imaginary boyfriend. 빅뱅, 지용 

picture credit to BIG Bang's facebook


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Thursday, March 1, 2012

Monday, February 20, 2012


yesterday was a special clubbing night of all my previous experiences. sometimes i didn't like about going to a club, especially the smokers and strangers. i don't really dance nor drink. when i got inside the club,  the rest started tossing their glasses and i took the opportunity to sink myself in the loud environment. take a break from my life as usual.

until one of my girl friend got tipsy and started grinding on the guys at the dance floor. it was a club, dancing was something we loved to do. me and another friend's eyes met and we both were astounded to see such a different person in her. i thought i don't want to be over protective about my girl friends, so i watched them.

after a while the drinks had put effects to all my friends, one after another. i was about to go crazy taking care of these unsound human and i sort of gave up at one point. i had some fun time watching them do what they're doing right there with other sound human. they're having absolute fun in their world i didn't want to disturb and they looked cute that way.

later did i find out that one of them was deadly drunk outside the club and that had to put the party to an end. everything after this was what seems to make me stone till the rest of the day. the way they transformed into someone else, falling all over the place, making noises and puking everywhere. i swear they were so loved before this alcohol thing takes over them.

one of them forced to sleep over at my place, i sat next to her and talk to her like an idiot to test if she's still responsive. as expected she had no recollection of what she had done the next morning she woke up. all these happened before my eyes, i can tell how dangerous she would have been if i were a different gender.

the picture of me staring at her senseless body is kind of disturbing so i had a long night. also from waking up to check if she's fine, to hiding from my parents that i've a drunken friend, to worrying about not answering the caller of her phone and to endless recalling the drunken face.

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Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Thursday, February 9, 2012

it's been awhile.

everytime i close my eyes to go to sleep, i pick up my favorite memory to think about.

sometimes it is when i was walking in the crowd at night market and he came up behind and wrapped his arms around me. i put mine above his to help keep him warm. he nuzzled his nose in my hair and then pulled me closer and even pressed his head against mine. how much he used to make me matters.

sometimes it is when i was standing by the railing at the hill top, feeling the space around me and he tickled me out of a sudden. he grabbed my waist as soon as i turned round trying to tickle back. he drew me close and i snuggled in more.

sometimes it is when we were racing back to our place passing through one of the dark street in another city. i remembered there were three stylish youngsters stood by their gate watching us and of course i couldn't beat him. we fall onto each other at the end of the race and my legs no longer freezing.

sometimes it is when i was sitting close to him in the car and he held me. i'm not sure if he realized that. he never held my hand before because we never started. i'm particular but i allowed it for once as his hands were cold but mine were colder damn.

sometimes it is when i was looking out for trains and directions to find him and saw the face awaiting for me as i opened the door. he asked if i came back alone and i've always thought that, he was worried. i smiled i missed him so much we were separated for one day.

sometimes it is when we were cycling around the silent neighborhood. the wind blows and under a bit of rain, he told me i'd be good as long as he don't fall, he added. every often he called me to watch out of bumpy road because i was busy taking photos. i thought it's so sweet of him.

but most of the time it is when he was looking genuinely happy right in front of my eyes as it would be the most natural thing on earth.

these lasting memories have been stuck in my mind for a month now. i had fun then and i told everyone about it. one of them said because i went with the right one. but a right one won't ruin my mood before going on vacation. and not made me feel bad on the first night itself. not what more staying one day away me out of four to go god knows where. a real good one would tell me he misses the stay as much as i do even if the weather is too cold and the food sucks there.

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Thursday, July 28, 2011

a trip to Ipoh.

had a simple trip to ipoh with my family last weekend. my mum wanted to go to this hill where 'cham hiong' is planted, which she found out through magazine on a random day. cham hiong is a kind of tea/tree by the way. so, no harm to tag along since i've nothing to do. but my true intention was to eat ipoh famous chicken rice, -.-

my dad camwhore with me! did yours? lol.

truthfully, i'm really not interested with the tea. this place keeps me cold, so i stayed. this happened to me everytime. i tend to show interests towards lifeless places when i get too hot under the sun. like, i tend to suggest to go to the museum, so lifeless but i'll kiss every corner of the place just because of the powerful air-conditioner. i don't know about others, but i've always feel comfortable with temple, museum, art gallery and airport.
that's when i've no choice. a guy drove us up the hill and that's where every one is interested. a tree of wealth. it's said that it boosts your wealth after you hug it. i learned that there're many uncles and aunties go up regularly because they are die hard gamblers. le sigh.
abit ridiculous to me, but when in rome do as the romans do. 
i've always wanted to snap pictures of this kind of vehicles, and it's finally realized.
was so excited they're quite clean parking everywhere in the place!
it was such a huge place.

oh, second intention was to take photograph haha.

group photo. far relatives.
headed down to ipoh town for food.

and that's when my sister and i took a bus back to KL whereas my parents, aunts and uncles continue their journey to lenggong, hometown.

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Thursday, June 30, 2011

crazy bitch.

tmr is the beginning of next half of 2011
it's been a tough one
the expressed sorrow touches my heart
deep down in it, i teared
surprised though
maybe there's rarely a chance you show it

i'm not exactly bad at comforting
it depends on conditions
tonight i'm touched to thinking to at least write something to you
but i brushed it off because i saw others took care of you
i do not want to do anything
that i think others are less likely to appreciate

where do you put me at in your life
we both know we can't tell we are close
sometimes i felt ridiculous
because girls can  make me heartbroken
i thought it's reserved for the boys
girls hurt more than boys, truthfully

a few years ago
i started feeling unworthy to be a giving person
that might be one of the reason
why i do not text out birthday wishes
especially to the people who i know would receive a lot of them
mine will end up valueless

i do not born to be like this
i'm trained
by people who hurt me, ignore me in the past
trained to be like a crazy bitch.

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Saturday, June 25, 2011

4 in 1.

picked a random skirt from mum's cupboard and discovered a few different ways of wearing it.
unfortunately, most of the ways are impractical, only for photograph purposes T.T

a new category, coming from a girl who prefers sneakers and casual at most of the time.
i'm not fashionista, but hope you like it!

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Friday, June 17, 2011's secret.

i stood in the shower, underneath the spray of water, i used to shut my eyes long enough to think about one nice thing i'm feeling about my day. i saw him today and every single dream i had with him inside started running wild in my mind. i thought everything changed after so long but turns out they're still there. i knew it because the long lost feeling returned to me when i'm home.

i sat on my bed after the shower, water still dripping out of my long hair and uncombed. at first i didn't know it was the same feeling until i went replaying my memories in my head. my hair stood on its end the minute i reckoned they're what i used to go through at the end of the day each time we met.

the same. mixed. feeling. i felt happy that we talked, we looked into each other, we walked together. but at the same time, felt sad that we didn't have time to have heart to heart talk, to feel the true feelings about each other through the eyes and to walk with our hands held tight. it was two years ago i pondered about how all these feels like but stopped that thought when i know he had a girlfriend. it's silly, i didn't know he's still my crush. i 'm not sure know how real it is though.

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