chuchu

my nails story.

2012-02-15T00:06:00.002+08:00

it's been awhile.

2012-02-09T22:08:00.005+08:00

everytime i close my eyes to go to sleep, i pick up my favorite memory to think about.

sometimes it is when i was walking in the crowd at night market and he came up behind and wrapped his arms around me. i put mine above his to help keep him warm. he nuzzled his nose in my hair and then pulled me closer and even pressed his head against mine. how much he used to make me matters.

sometimes it is when i was standing by the railing at the hill top, feeling the space around me and he tickled me out of a sudden. he grabbed my waist as soon as i turned round trying to tickle back. he drew me close and i snuggled in more.

sometimes it is when we were racing back to our place passing through one of the dark street in another city. i remembered there were three stylish youngsters stood by their gate watching us and of course i couldn't beat him. we fall onto each other at the end of the race and my legs no longer freezing.

sometimes it is when i was sitting close to him in the car and he held me. i'm not sure if he realized that. he never held my hand before because we never started. i'm particular but i allowed it for once as his hands were cold but mine were colder damn.

sometimes it is when i was looking out for trains and directions to find him and saw the face awaiting for me as i opened the door. he asked if i came back alone and i've always thought that, he was worried. i smiled i missed him so much we were separated for one day.

sometimes it is when we were cycling around the silent neighborhood. the wind blows and under a bit of rain, he told me i'd be good as long as he don't fall, he added. every often he called me to watch out of bumpy road because i was busy taking photos. i thought it's so sweet of him.

but most of the time it is when he was looking genuinely happy right in front of my eyes as it would be the most natural thing on earth.

these lasting memories have been stuck in my mind for a month now. i had fun then and i told everyone about it. one of them said because i went with the right one. but a right one won't ruin my mood before going on vacation. and not made me feel bad on the first night itself. not what more staying one day away me out of four to go god knows where. a real good one would tell me he misses the stay as much as i do even if the weather is too cold and the food sucks there.

ficelle boulangerie & patisserie.

2011-11-08T19:03:00.001+08:00

discovered this new bakery which is said to be under the same management as Levain. i remember how it felt like to wake up the next day after a late night talking session with the girls. mad lazy. but we still made our way to there because we wanted to be updated like that as always.

bakery shop is always loved simply because i'm loving light meals so much that i could eat many meals a day. especially breads, cakes and biscuits.

inkiOne Kpop party.

2011-11-07T18:37:00.001+08:00

first time in my life party on a saturday afternoon!

my man.

love how this picture turns out to be like we're at a night club.

strangely after the party, we walk out from the hall and were only making our way to dinner. apparently, kpop event was one of the my favorite activity to do on weekends :)

twenty 1

2011-11-06T00:51:00.001+08:00

i just turned 21st last night. i feel like i had ride on a rocket that bring me here today from last fifth of november. one year zoomed so fast just like that. le sigh, i haven't done anything to be a wiser and stronger person. one thing is i've made a few discoveries about life. and all the pain that hurt me up till today reminds me of the realistic world. i learned reality through my tears. this sometimes explains my swollen eyes in the morning. what is so special about being twenty one. nothing. at some point, i even feel that i have no good reason to celebrate this day.

always us.

2011-11-02T21:36:00.000+08:00

chilled out with the girls at overtime a few saturdays ago(!). i've finally had the chance to pay a visit as everyone is talking about this beer spot.

spend the night till late at 3 plus mid night. everyone was feeling dizzy except me and we insisted heading on to McD because we always thought that french fries helps. there we bump into our secondary schoolmate and we call it a saturday night.

everyone loves sushi.

2011-11-01T22:12:00.003+08:00

through all the years of making sushi, i've come to a stage that i'm confident to make for my friends. it was almost a month ago i made them and brought to office for lunch. everyone was surprised at my talents. i demand praises like that. thank you so much.

La Gomera.

2011-10-29T10:35:00.001+08:00

went for a spanish buffet 2 weeks ago with sisters.

boy friend.

2011-10-08T21:59:00.002+08:00

i'm single but difference is that there'll be someone for me whenever i need. and, he could possibly be replaced.

the kind of love i like.

2011-09-25T21:48:00.001+08:00

i felt like i owe her so much. she sent me such a heart warming cake during my finals. i wanted to tell the whole world how sweet was it. but i have no words for it. some people even think i was exaggerating my feelings when i told them. but that does not affect anything because this person do not deserve to be loved.

still in confusion, actually.

2011-09-12T16:17:00.003+08:00

despite all the thing that makes me felt like a complete person, there're hardship too. i realize it has been the same process as how i went through both seeking internship and life. sometimes, they approved but i rejected. and then i didn't get approved and then i got approved. hmm..confusion.

Ben's.

2011-09-03T22:41:00.005+08:00

had a simple birthday celebration at Ben's. still feeling so contented now because he was surprised how thoughtful i was. he never expect it from me -someone he seen as unobservant all the time. and he ended up getting surprised at the way i turned up to be as always. 100% satisfaction <3

mushroom quiche.

basil pesto spaghettini added with chargrilled chicken.

red velvet cheese cake.

macadamia cheesecake sundae.

peppermint tea.

our table.

finally bother to learn to pick up food from menu because he failed to do it for me. this explained why i remembered most of the names wtf.

me kthxbai.

.

something about us.

2011-08-31T21:19:00.003+08:00

i was surprised he told me that. he misses every bit of me. like what happened in a drama that i used to envy so much. it's such an awesome feeling. how he texts me saying that his pillow runs out of my smell. how he wanted to hug me every morning he wakes up. how he wanted to take care of me when he knows i'll be home alone during the raya holiday. each word he said brings a zillion butterflies to my stomach. i have no intention of falling in love. it just happened.

i can't wait.

2011-08-30T03:40:00.000+08:00

giving it time.

2011-08-29T19:21:00.002+08:00

yesterday i was about to get over it. i never been working out things this hard ever. i reminded myself how i was being ignored. and just last night i swore to god i no longer want to believe a single words that's gonna come up to me next. but just until a few hours ago, i failed myself. i replied. i answered. i apologized. i talked nicely. i also had a long chat with my girls. i know i don't want to hide anything, i wanted to talk about it. but things has piled up to an unspeakable level.

i'm addicted.

2011-08-28T15:58:00.001+08:00

i'd tried to hide the fact that i've been to a few places last week after my exam. i wasn't home or in the city for 4 days and it felt so short i'm addicted. it would have been much easier to stay at home but i suppose it was better i go. it's like a reward for going through a hectic tests week. but when i came home, i felt like i'd brought myself back to reality like i never do. it's tough. the runaway turns out so unreal to me. if i have choice i didn't wanna come back at all. i sank myself in the bath tub. i lost my tears between soap bubbles. i told myself i cannot keep doubting on things, i must be able to reckon what is unreachable. it was abnormally long before i broke through the surface and gasped for air. it must be the magic he did. because i'm still doubting his words.

swing.

2011-08-27T00:58:00.000+08:00

i hope this is what god wants.

2011-08-25T22:34:00.000+08:00

on monday,

2011-08-16T22:42:00.003+08:00

the secret place.

2011-08-14T23:57:00.002+08:00

i felt like i was in a secret place. i hope nobody ever find this place. the place i'd like to go to everytime i felt like to be alone. the place that i can just be myself with no false pretenses, no pressure to be ahead, no people messing with "my stuff". i stay there to do my revisions. each time i arrived, i would walk up the back stairs and sneak myself in from the back entrance as i was so afraid if anyone saw me and question my existence. especially i'm living so far from there. as i opened the door, le gasp, there were intruders this weekends. so i stayed at the 2nd floor instead. but i knew it, by the sunset, everyone would eventually leave for home. i started munching on my titbits i brought from home. i was all ready to stay long. truth is, it wasn't really a private place, just nobody occupies it. last time, i left my phone, bag, everything on the table, exposed, and went for McD drive thru. come back and found nothing lost. it's just makes me felt like it's my secret place. tonight i wish i could stay longer but my family were calling. they were worried i ran away from home.

wait.

2011-08-13T16:04:00.005+08:00

last night, i cried over something. it was remarkably long since i last cried. in my history. but it stopped very soon. i decided to keep everything way back in my mind and wait because i understand there was no point and it would only go on until i run out of energy to sniff and fell asleep. i wait. many people have been telling how lucky we're to have 10 best friends to do everything together. yes i do enjoy being with them and always felt like i'm attached for the fact that i'm still s.and.a.. but at the same time not many understand how hard to go having a pair of permanent listening ears. the pairs of ears that every girl has, behind the phone, waiting for them every mid night. as with me, every each of them became equally close to call up and talk heart to heart, too hard to pick just one. no, i'm not expecting that from my friends, they'd done too much to me i'm touched to cry. anyway, that's not the reason i cried. i was just thinking a good way to release things that has piled up in my heart. for some reason, i were trying to count how many things were there that i wait to let out but i've never success to. too many. i bet it's just the way a girl's mind works, there seems to be a million matters but most of the time there is only one. and a tiny one. i should wait for the right time. perhaps a drunken night or a pillow talk when i'm slightly not busy but never this time.

sick.

2011-08-09T22:11:00.007+08:00

today i woke up to a weak body. i hardly get out from my bed and it felt like there's a big hard rock stuck in the middle of my throat. i need water. i wished there's somebody bringing it to me. the next time i opened my eyes again, one hour has passed. i still didn't get any water. i left my bed, brushed myself and made breakfast. as I sat and stared at my cup of milo, i lost my appetite. i want to have ice-cream. i've never really wanted someone to take care of me. but i was thinking how would it be different if there's someone sitting next to me. perhaps he will make me eat my breakfast and give me ice-cream as compensation. and when i ask for more, he will not give me then make promise to bring me out for ice-cream when i recover. eventually I finished up my hot milo and there's noone there to give me ice-cream. i must be very sick to hope for that when i'm the only one in the house. come to think of it, why didn't i have someone like that with me? i want to be compensated for being sick. now I feel infuriated i couldn't get anything in return from falling sick but forced to give up my revisions and do nothing on the bed. i'm really worry about my friday's test and the following week can definitely kill me as i'm having 3 tests back to back. wish me luck.

pulse ultra club.

2011-08-07T16:50:00.003+08:00

last friday night i had a chance to visit to the pulse club @grand millennium in KL. thanks to yyeng being so spontaneous all the time, she bought a deal of a bucket of heineken for rm50+ online. i like the place so much because i've never been to one like that, as in a club in a hotel where i could loaf around their lobby before i head in to the club.

screenshot from ipad. this was us at the grand millennium lobby.

more camwhores pictures.

in the club. apparently, it wasn't as happening as other clubs. maybe a drinking session is still ok.

light from the table changes color every few seconds and that's the only thing that had merely entertained us in the entire night wtf because we didn't want to take picture while it turned green. if you're wondering, those lines were captioned by ping on her facebook.

there was live band performing. still, we camwhored to kill time because it was too awkward to dance.

night views from the club.

in the washroom. the pulse club is one awesome place because they have clean cozy washroom as in full body mirror, sofas, dried floor and no cleaner comes in when we camwhore wtf.

last group picture of us.

i brought my camera but it didn't help in darkness so all the pictures above were from ping's camera.

then some of them wanted to go home but i think the night was still young so lk and i decided to go clubbing at zouk because her college friends were there. it was my first time attempting to disobey age limit and i never thought i'd ever need to. anyway, pictures.

me, jun, lk, jem and catherine, hopefully these are their correct names.

arrived home around 4a.m. i happened to sit in the same car with a crazy drunk guy who got carried out of the club and fell himself everywhere his friends stopped him. and also witnessed a road block and how the driver lied to the police. great experience lol.

dreamz bakery.

2011-08-01T18:39:00.005+08:00

went to dreamz bakery @the strand, kota damansara(near to sunway giza). it tooked us a good one hour to reach after hunting high and low plus a bit of going wrong of the way here and there.

rei and rei's brother.

met rei and family. a random boy in the bakery who caught our attention.

ngoh dick pang yao zei. hehe.

my friends started feeling annoyed with me playing angry bird on their ipod/ipad because i made no contributions to their conversations. we left the shop after 2 hours and move on to ikea. we went there just because we have not try the meatball that everyone had been talking about. turned out it's made up of big fat beef that i'd used to be prohibited from eating. some times back in about 3 years, mum said we can take beef with the condition that we're outside from home. but apparently, i did not want to eat any beef at all. not this time, i had it but later in the day my stomach felt so uncomfortable. it might be the meatball, might be the prawn, might also be the McD ice-cream. whatever it is, i'll never return for it.

took a bite of the prawn regardless my allergy.

till next time.

last sunday.

2011-07-31T12:24:00.001+08:00

last sunday we headed down to KL for hot yoga @true fitness. i like this place because i feel strong after i walked out everytime. at least i'm maintaining my stamina. another reason to like this place is especially when the ladies area is so clean that i don't mind walking around on bared foot. it's too well facilitated, even we spent a long hour to dress ourselves, no one would give a damn. except the guy who waited us.

a trip to Ipoh.

2011-07-28T23:08:00.005+08:00

had a simple trip to ipoh with my family last weekend. my mum wanted to go to this hill where 'cham hiong' is planted, which she found out through magazine on a random day. cham hiong is a kind of tea/tree by the way. so, no harm to tag along since i've nothing to do. but my true intention was to eat ipoh famous chicken rice, -.-

my dad camwhore with me! did yours? lol.

truthfully, i'm really not interested with the tea. this place keeps me cold, so i stayed. this happened to me everytime. i tend to show interests towards lifeless places when i get too hot under the sun. like, i tend to suggest to go to the museum, so lifeless but i'll kiss every corner of the place just because of the powerful air-conditioner. i don't know about others, but i've always feel comfortable with temple, museum, art gallery and airport.

that's when i've no choice. a guy drove us up the hill and that's where every one is interested. a tree of wealth. it's said that it boosts your wealth after you hug it. i learned that there're many uncles and aunties go up regularly because they are die hard gamblers. le sigh.

abit ridiculous to me, but when in rome do as the romans do.

i've always wanted to snap pictures of this kind of vehicles, and it's finally realized.

was so excited they're quite clean parking everywhere in the place!

it was such a huge place.

oh, second intention was to take photograph haha.

group photo. far relatives.

headed down to ipoh town for food.

and that's when my sister and i took a bus back to KL whereas my parents, aunts and uncles continue their journey to lenggong, hometown.

a peep into my room.

2011-07-24T23:16:00.001+08:00

joyce's 21st, happy birthday!

2011-07-22T03:51:00.004+08:00

on her 21st birthday, she threw a big party @jade hill, kajang clubhouse. it was a catering with nicest dishes among all catering party that i've been to. as you already judged, not that much. anyway, i planned to edit another version of all the pic but there're too much i rubbed off the thought.

if you think they are poor food, my bad.

fried rice.

mushroom chicken. i created the name since there're no way to find out the names.

bbq-ed cuts of lamb.

cheese-topped fish meat.

dessert. there're more food like salads and satays, but pictures disappeared out of my knowledge.

pretty girls.

me with lk, one picture that i thought it's failed.

joyce and family.

part of her relatives.

some of the friends from utar, some from other uni.

and us.

a quick way to warm up your party.

games started just at the right time. this box contained names of attendants to be called on stage.

embarrassing moment on stage, including birthday girl herself.

fix it or ruin it.

clapping and enjoy seeing others' embarrassing moment.

crowds by the stage.

cake time. "joyce owns the world" with edible map.

everyone stood around singing birthday song.

cute boy who blows candles at every opportunity.

big swimming pool by the side of the party. it looks creepily deep to me. actually.

a lake by another side.

rough idea of the views.

there're also bridge to the middle of the lake, one good spot to take photo. and many small ponds around the building. one adult actually felt inside on his arrival. (LOL!)

with joyce's lovely cousin sister.

hoo-haas by the guys.

and one innocent boy.

birthday presents.

and birthday kiss!

well, i should just say i had a whale of time at the party. happy birthday and do admit your age, don't bluff with your face!

steron's 21st

2011-07-18T21:01:00.002+08:00

i'm too rush for this but i can't wait to show off. celebrated yanyeng's 21st birthday @17 saloon, sunway giza.

the only down side to me was their self-service concept.

drinker enjoyed the RM1 beer after the first pint @RM26, there're lychee and 2 more flavours.

chicken chop.

chicken burger i guess.

i'm no doubt being one ignorant about food menu.

rice topped with cheese.

spicy tongyam udon.

main character of the day.

baskin robin chocolate chips ice-cream cake.

wish,

blow,

and cut.

9 of us, foo had to go down to seremban for industrial practical.

in seconds!

group photo <3 SHD!

me with yanyeng.

shun with yanyeng.

ping and i.

shun and ping.

real white gold key pendant. the 6th girl to turn 21st among us.

another present, hope you like it.

happy birthday yenyeng and wish your everyday is the new best day! <3<3<3

next up will be joyce's 21st, both july babies.

korean town.

2011-07-16T15:34:00.004+08:00

all work and no play makes jack a dull boy. on thursday, i headed down to ampang point to join the dinner after my test at 7 evening. my second time and it's definitely my favourite town in M'sia lmao.

me, sis, cousin sis. <3

one of the reason why korean town is my favourite town is because handsome and awesomely cute boy can be easily spotted. this boy next to my table finished his meal earlier than his parents and being restless like any other kid, he greeted the waiter who serves us side dishes, "hello uncle" in a cheeky way. cute max cannot live!!

we explored the mini mart where i bought my after meal desert, ice-cream.

this reminds me of many many korean drama i watched.

all these weren't from korean town, i bought it the next day just because i didn't have enough of it that night, and never will i do.

last picture and bye.

midnight meal.

2011-07-13T20:15:00.005+08:00

some claims this as a way of measure for one serving, i proved it right.

i'm feeling drained of energy. test after test. stress and more stress. i've been going against the clock every nigh lately. how did all the others managed to cover the syllabus and also able to hit the bed when i used up my midnight without sleep? i'm real slow.

out of the blue.

2011-07-13T03:03:00.003+08:00

careless enough to drop a one month old mug counting from the day i own it.

snowy ball.

2011-07-11T23:33:00.004+08:00

the best thing to feel about is to get someone buy you your favourite food but you didn't once asked. mum bought me loh-mai-qi from night market the other day while i glued myself to my study table. apparently i was checking out the food on the dining table and found two snowy ball tied with red raffia string in a plastic hidden in between packets of food and drinks. the first thing i did was pull it out and keep it away from other food. to make sure noone touches it. truth is, it wasn't in the list of food i wanted but she bought it because she knows i'd love it. she's never been like this, or maybe too few times so i got overwhelmed with shyness wtf.

long-winded.

last night i was craving for something mouthful and chewy, i thought of these snow balls. i decided to make it myself. i googled the recipe and find it unexpectedly simple. after my test this morning, i went to grocery to get the ingredients and grabbed 2 tubs of ice-cream on sight.

dreams and vanity.

2011-07-10T15:43:00.000+08:00

pancake.

2011-07-06T18:12:00.002+08:00

many tests are coming up next week but i'm not ready! good luck!

yoong yang's 21st.

2011-07-04T17:45:00.013+08:00

this will be a picture post enjoy!

ken and karwai.

black forest.

birthday boy, yoong yang.

girls group photo.

usual group <3

sis, me, mun and warren

attended catering at YY's house @ sg. long and was happy to be invited to such a big party of his, had a great exploring session. happy birthday.

crazy bitch.

2011-06-30T02:57:00.003+08:00

tmr is the beginning of next half of 2011
it's been a tough one
the expressed sorrow touches my heart
deep down in it, i teared
surprised though
maybe there's rarely a chance you show it

i'm not exactly bad at comforting
it depends on conditions
tonight i'm touched to thinking to at least write something to you
but i brushed it off because i saw others took care of you
i do not want to do anything
that i think others are less likely to appreciate

where do you put me at in your life
we both know we can't tell we are close
sometimes i felt ridiculous
because girls can make me heartbroken
i thought it's reserved for the boys
girls hurt more than boys, truthfully

a few years ago
i started feeling unworthy to be a giving person
that might be one of the reason
why i do not text out birthday wishes
especially to the people who i know would receive a lot of them
mine will end up valueless

ungenerous.
jealous.
i do not born to be like this
i'm trained
by people who hurt me, ignore me in the past
trained to be like a crazy bitch.

alarm clock day.

2011-06-29T13:34:00.001+08:00

the problem is i sleep on the upper deck of my double decker. i'd used to carry my cellphone whenever i go up to bed in order to pick up phone calls in comparatively short time. at times when i forget, i had to climb down the side stairs and my sleep terribly disturbed, the trouble of carrying myself down step by step. people who sleep on double decker should understand.

the rest of the time i carry my phone to sleep because i also use it as alarm. i didn't bother to listen to the harms about radiation until recently. i thought i should stop picking phone calls during my sleep and let it stays where it is. where as for alarm, i should buy an alarm clock, as cheap as it could be. there it goes.

this morning when i woke up to the very classical alarm sound, it not only brings me back to childhood's memory but i also wish to sLAM IT AT THE WALL coz' it doesn't has the snooze features!! i was literally laughing at myself on the bed thinking how excited i was last night when i bought it. now it is a waste of money coz' i certainly will stick back to my radiation-emitting-phone until one day i can wake up without snoozing. which is impossible.

it's okay, put them together.

2011-06-28T04:14:00.006+08:00

my wardrobe space is running low, so i dug out everything and tried to free some space for my future clothes. unfortunately there isn't any after spending half a day sitting infront of my cupboard. but just to find out i started having abandoned pieces of dress since a few years ago.

basically it's another impractical way of dressing
because you either end up sweating excessively or looking like a puff walking on the street. failed.

you said it, then do it.

2011-06-26T23:50:00.001+08:00

i want one more day of sunday god please. i procrastinated and regretting now. i just listed down things i should get done by next week and get a shocked of my life, there's no longer enough time already since i didn't start doing something!

i had one major problem with myself that is never learn from all the examples others shown. it always happens that i forget what i'd said to myself.

the other day, someone dashed into the bank in anger and announced a plate number. i was sitting right at the center of the bank with a few more people at the corners and a long counter of workers who pretend to be ultra busy. so i also pretend very busy with my cellphone(delete digi's message; that's what the purpose to accumulate these messages are for).

not until i repeated the number to myself and it sounds all too familiar to me. gasped, it was my car wtf! in less than a second i swept all the stuff on my lap into the bag placed next to me. every single human in the bank stoned at me. i feel the heat in my head for being the 'central of attention' wtf. embarrassing enough i don't have to tell further you can imagine!

apparently all the drivers were scolding and cursing and one most remarkable one was "you're blocking the whole PJ!" T.T it was lunch hour and i double parked as everyone did but mine was at a sharp corner wtf( i didn't realize). there were about 6-7 cars waiting behind me fml. i haven't spoken to anyone that day except a few sentence at the counter. i hope they heard my apology or can see from my face >.<

end of story. that's the thing i'd been telling myself -not to block traffic for own benefit. now i was the bitch that forget what i've said. and today, forget about do not procrastinate works. also, not every apology guarantee forgiveness.

don't judge me k if not i lose confidence. #nobodycares

did double exposure with photoshop.

4 in 1.

2011-06-25T04:23:00.006+08:00

picked a random skirt from mum's cupboard and discovered a few different ways of wearing it.
unfortunately, most of the ways are impractical, only for photograph purposes T.T

a new category, coming from a girl who prefers sneakers and casual at most of the time.

i'm not fashionista, but hope you like it!

my love story.

2011-06-22T00:11:00.002+08:00

it is one of the important event i want to remember in the near future

the death of flower should bring a new chapter to you and me

it created a suspend in my life and it's exciting i shall wait to the end

thanks daddy!

2011-06-20T18:06:00.016+08:00

i look like eldest!

was supposed to have the cake session on sunday itself since we had dinner one day earlier. after hours of waiting, dad finally returned home from work at 12.30a.m, but mum and kf already went to bed so we decided to do it this morning, before everyone go for school and work.

happy father's day!

2011-06-19T04:28:00.005+08:00

celebrated one day in advance to stay out from all the unnecessary booking and waiting. we were at SS2, a short distance from my house, taiping ho chiak.

6 yummy dishes served:

house special, tau eu bak. ~~ha! i remembered~~ i googled.

curry fish head.

* i forgot the names for the rest of the food(can easily reckon by looking though)

they're absolutely tasty. every single dish!

dad slowly enjoying his meal.

someone else!

random stuff.

family portrait.

dad went around and took pictures of the restaurant xD.

view from outside.

i think they're best for someone who never hold dslr before. he used to take albums of pictures of us using film camera when we were young and i know he had a thing for photography and videography even before i was born. i believe the 'thing' were passed down to me kthxbai!

shhh..it's secret.

2011-06-17T23:11:00.013+08:00

i stood in the shower, underneath the spray of water, i used to shut my eyes long enough to think about one nice thing i'm feeling about my day. i saw him today and every single dream i had with him inside started running wild in my mind. i thought everything changed after so long but turns out they're still there. i knew it because the long lost feeling returned to me when i'm home.

i sat on my bed after the shower, water still dripping out of my long hair and uncombed. at first i didn't know it was the same feeling until i went replaying my memories in my head. my hair stood on its end the minute i reckoned they're what i used to go through at the end of the day each time we met.

the same. mixed. feeling. i felt happy that we talked, we looked into each other, we walked together. but at the same time, felt sad that we didn't have time to have heart to heart talk, to feel the true feelings about each other through the eyes and to walk with our hands held tight. it was two years ago i pondered about how all these feels like but stopped that thought when i know he had a girlfriend. it's silly, i didn't know he's still my crush. i 'm not sure know how real it is though.

i know how i looked like to you.

2011-06-14T23:15:00.007+08:00

hasn't been putting attention to my surrounding.

'it's hard to approach me, when i go to uni, i walk with my head down the floor till i reach lecture hall, sit in a corner, listen to the lecturer and go back to where my car parked at with my face almost stick to my chest.'

that's how i used to tell people my uni life. i must admit i have no more interest in this place. stop me and force me to say hi next time you see me.

Ping 21st birthday.

2011-06-12T10:17:00.005+08:00

it was such a great night on 10th June, last friday. celebrating in advance at BeeWon@korean town, second round at thirty two bistro.bar@puchong for a drinking session.

food pictures should always lead my outing post:

korean meal comes in numerous side dishes.

very addictive soups.

*saliva drop, stomach growl

bimbimbap is love!

fried rice cake is double love!

this is the moment..

joyce brought in the birthday cake.

making wishes.

crazy women kissed the cardboard -.-

special guests of the night, Jay and Lampard.

her hubbies, kononnya.

pressie time.

it's a wonder someone can has the same expression throughout the night.

in fact, whole life in this case wtf.

jay did his famous hand gesture again *sien

scandal!

girls lost control over ang moh wtf

again, he did the thing he called cool *more sien

gay men.

-end of nonsenses-

bff, xiao hui.

bff hug.

apparently, there isn't any match on screen but i'm pretty sure she'll look like this when chelsea scores a goooaaal!

(she was shouting over some song she know of when the bar singer started singing)

the key pendant that significants 21st years old.

(sigh, feel so old already!)

everybody wore jerseys for ping.

the girl who'll watch every single match of chelsea even there's exam on the next morning and will get sleepless night if she missed a match lol. but all the jerseys we borrowed were from MU/liverpool, so people in the bar came over to our seats and cheers for MU/liverpool out of excitement seeing 10 girls suppporting their god's club wtf.

ka and i.

group pic without joyce, me and jerseys. joyce left earlier due to curfew wtfwtf.

the girl who born on 12th june.

i guess i left out alot of detail in here since i only put photo captions but hope you did enjoy yea ping, happy birthday!

restrictive.

2011-06-09T12:17:00.000+08:00

was at one point i didn't want to give up but don't know how to continue. i stared. and stared at the notes. maybe it's the mindsets of not enough time, got me more distracted. at the end of everything, i started to feel scared of myself by looking back at what i've been doing. no more discipline.

but HEY, it's over i don't want others to think i always am overwhelmed with gloominess like this so i should not care to cry anymore. plus, today's friday. unfortunately, i'm stuck at home. was supposed to be at a gathering but hell, can't be bothered to comment. life is restrictive like that. my nation.

so, mum decided to bring home some durians after work. i'm finally satisfying my craves for it over the three good years no joke!! dad used to buy home on every durian's season coz' that's his favourite. i grew up celebrating fathers' day with durian wtf. apparently, i have a family that has tons of magnificent durian stories. i've always enjoy waiting dad to open the fruit and the rest of us would stared at the cracks, it's like having to know a surprise. sometimes, it's really surprising. then we started discussing if we get conned. i slowly learned how a good durian taste like.

complimentary fruit, a basket of good mangosteens that topped upto my neck. i need to diet and i love these good fruit only from my country =D

sunday

2011-06-07T01:38:00.009+08:00

out of ordinary, i started switching my radio station in my car. i realized chinese radio station airs a lot more information that i'll take in rather than what i was previously listening to.

last friday i've no idea how to spend my weekends which is like, so precious to me. then on the radio, chui ling suggested to meet anyone other than the close one. i thought it's a good idea, but i couldn't think of anyone.

then it happened that my sister is going up to french village for her friends' birthday celebration, so i tagged along. here's pictures =)

dim sam in the car

birthday on 4th, 5th, 3rd of june, respectively.

sister's friend whom houses i used to go to at my younger age.

group pic with cake? *spot wtf

kyuk got the balloon from one of the two crown, which i didn't take picture of. btw, crown looked more or less the same to me wtf.

on the only street in french village.

seow feng

kyuk, kah mun, sher teen, kar wen.

with sher teen.

sisters.

at the top of clock tower.

fishing lucky duck. and i think i know the trick. bring me along if you want those toys.

mini indoor children playground.

visiting this same old building but with different people. =)

all the girls.

all the boys.

and all of us.

weird angle of me that i'll kill the people who uploaded it, last time. not anymore. see? confidence is the key wtf.

end of japanese village venture.

snow flakes at sunway giza to call it the end of my weekends ='(

I'm odd.

2011-06-04T03:16:00.004+08:00

Class started on Monday, and I started to feel tough every now and then. I couldn't exactly tell how I felt but one thing for sure I know of was how people think of me. a girl who is stupid enough to go beyond her ability, forcing herself in the field that doesn't suit her or, anything close to that. Whatever. I shall not cry.

I went for most of my classes alone and even when I wasn't, I happened to sit by myself and no one else beside me. Sometimes when I sat with my usual group, I felt left out. I'm not sad about it, I don't mind either. But I felt myself like a loser which I don't feel like to share further.

I hated every sentence I heard from them. Talking about how certain subject are interesting, how a lecturer gives them hope in scoring. It irritates me. I know, whether a subject is interesting, whether a lecturer is good, non affects me. I'll eventually ruin the paper in the end. Go ahead and tell me I'm bull shitting. I don't care.

simple happiness.

2011-06-02T12:27:00.002+08:00

as simple as a malfunctioned traffic light that rule my life everyday but for the past 3 days.

as simple as the officer who put me through a fully occupied class.

as simple as a breakfast.

kota bharu, kelantan.

2011-05-30T14:56:00.004+08:00

so the best thing about memory to me is either song or photo. this time round will be photos.

8 of us gathered at McD@KL central to depart to LCCT.

in the bus, my partner.

best gadgets to kill time, apple.

a girl security at the gate thought we are sisters.

on the plane.

it took about 50mins to reach KB.

my first meal at KB

handmade flower clips by me! =)

that night was actually a birthday celebration for the twins.

me with the birthday girls.

the theme was 'maxi dress'.

our ultimate aim was to visit foo who's there to further studies.

birthday gifts.

the fun of sharing everything with BFFs.

we had cup noodles the next morning for breakfast.

what beat that you tell me! lol

spotted a cute girl next to our rooms wearing hoodie.

beach of moonlight in the morning around 9a.m.

i like how silent it was but i was distracted by the rough sand that keep cutting my feet.

at the lobby, checking out at 12pm

my first instax, and same goes to some of us and were excited to the max.

checked in to another resort which was just 5mins away from the previous one.

drove a short distance away for banana leaf rice.

my lunch, chicken banana leaf rice with side dishes added.

folding the leaf this way indicates you'll be back for it.

this way means you don't/ not sure.

moved downwards of kelantan and reached temple of sleeping buddha.

i never forget how we chilled and talked crap at the stall opposite the temple served with coconut drink and thailand's food at the same time.

next destination was street market.

nothing much but hot!

shopping mall?

one out of the few branded shops.

back to KB, F.O.S@KB mall.

dinner for famous local ikan bakar, if i'm not wrong.

and also nasi kelabu at another restaurant few minutes away, which i was already exhausted to not take any picture.

back at resort finally.

our new uniform.

the mess i saw the next morning and thought it'll be memorable for the next ten years.

my breakfast they tapao for me coz i was too lazy to wake up for it.

head to the beach for photo before we leave for the city.

i was extremely excited, it has been long awaited, sun and beach!

typical jumping shot at the beach.

<3!

chilled at a cafe nearby the airport.

tongyam rice.

ice blended cappuccino.

instaxes.

foo's hostel@UMK.

how nice if all of us can live and study there together!

last meal at KB, nasi kukus.

nasi kukus ayam goreng.

the town.

on the way to airport.

a new friend, eric, foo's coursemate who joined us throughout the 3 days. as requested, he rated us according to talkativeness, it goes like, foo, ping, me(yes, i'm shocked got 7th place wtf), laikuen, steron, shune, kae, joyce and xiaohui. actually he was indifferent between the first and first runner up so he said xiao hui is the loudest, so joyce won the noisiest.

it's time to leave already T.T

i had a long chat with this busy women later in the bus.

flight was 7.35p.m.

back to K.L!

chef in the house!

2011-05-24T12:21:00.005+08:00

because of the acid splasher i couldn't go out! i made myself breakfast.

do dream reflect reality?

2011-05-22T21:02:00.003+08:00

i was awake by my teary face. i think it's so unreasonable to cry in the mid night in the middle of my holiday. it always concerns me that i need to be absolutely carefree during holiday if not then it wouldn't be called one.

so, i was going for a quiz unprepared. but truth is i've done revising one chapter on monday but then got swept away with other work the rest of the time until thursday. but i only recalled the quiz in the morning itself before i head to uni and couldn't do anything because it's too late. i started to panic.

but dream's always weird, the quiz was conducted in a dark lab with only light shined in through windows. i thought i could cheat. students are allowed to find their spots so they can answer the quiz under the light. the lab was a mess but no one seemed intended to cheat though. my hope dropped zero.

but it didn't end there, somebody left me her answer script but no matter how i just can't write a thing. just like any other dream, no matter how hard i tried, i can't seem to run.

i cried and suddenly everything that seems so real to me becomes unreal. it was just a dream -cue nelly.

look, it's bed time!

2011-05-21T04:18:00.004+08:00

but i'm having hard time to sleep, it's 3.45 in the morning
it shouldn't be a problem to not sleep yet coz' it's holiday
but already promised dad to tag along to exercise later at 6a.m.
hopefully by the end of this post i can feel sleepy
i can't seem to stop thinking how time would fly towards the end of my semester break
and i just realized there's something in common when i can't get into sleep
time and money.
whenever either of them tends to be lack in my plans, i get insomnia fml.
first thing, i can't get anybody to pay the summon i got from illegal parking a week ago
then, i'm not having enough savings to spend on my coming trip T.T
should have save more, my fault.

if you care, i cut my fringe.

i was at G Six

2011-05-15T15:46:00.004+08:00

i will not drink again for as long as the feeling of almost-drunk still vivid in my mind.
i'm not an alcoholic, not urging to release stress either.
i just wanna try more than how much i used to have -half a glass.
i took about one glass, not sure, people kept refilling it
then i went uneasy and wanted to get home fast
but i couldn't hold and thrown up at McD in the end.
i'm so guilty i blocked the sink and it stunk like alcohol.
felt so bad my friend had to take care of me but thanks girls!
had french fried and it tasted best after the throwing up, really.
it's instantly rated top1 in my food listed,
pushes ice-cream and mashmallow down. =)

new friends from johor and negeri sembilan, ka know them from utar kampar.

my face turned red

god i've done with my examsss =)

2011-05-10T03:24:00.001+08:00

today i finally felt the lightest heart in the world on my way home. it'd really felt like flying up in the sky like how some people used to describe. and just to realize how i was mentally ill for the past weeks. apparently, there has been picture of me committing suicide and everytime it appeared, i started weeping. i cried for my family and friends, exams killed ladychuchu :). i thought. but now everything's over, i'm back to the normal me who jokes about everything under the sun and looking forward to my semester break cheers!

i waited too long.

2011-05-07T04:19:00.004+08:00

finally got myself some time to walk into shopping mall, to celebrate chiat hou's birthday. good excuse. it's been a hectic weeks for me all because of exams. truth is i'm still sitting for one more exam on next tuesday
but couldn't be bothered anymore to go out. today i finally got so tired from ranting about my exams. i guess i won't do that anymore, i try to keep them for myself.

me(straight out of camera) in kbox.

we were the last three who refuse to leave after everybody left for home until 2.30 mid night. had a great night though despite my singing is still far from good. :(

luck.

2011-05-03T12:17:00.001+08:00

i always believe how a person grown up made them a type of people. and people who grown up in more or less the same way are the same type of people. i belong to the type which grown up with least luck that i've to work hard on everything i want, together with an average looking appearance of a girl living in an average income family. briefly about that.

some people, although born no luck in life but their family are rich so they still are getting everything effortlessly. (not talking about being lucky to born in rich family, that's about karma, not luck). speaking of luck, i'm amused how i was never once lucky in my entire 20years of life. i don't even have a specified example because i came across my luck in so many ways but failed everytime. like the chances to win a prize is 80% i can still be empty-handed. but if 99% i can get, for the fact i'm not that bad in luck.

picking numbers, picking topics, picking between choices and above all, pick by people are all the activities i'm most frustrated at. pick by people; i believe part of the reason was being an average looking girl. some people are looking average but they often get picked. it's about lucky. one extreme example is fans who is chosen to get on stage often looked ok-ok-only. i'm not trying to offend anyone but that's my impression. it seems like physical appearances is where i focus first in everything.

now let's just take example of a girl who is exactly of my type, but pretty. i often get jealous of these girls. supposingly we're less probably to get picked by people, but for the fact that she's pretty, boy picks her. in the end, she gets whatever her family can't afford to give her. what's more if the boy married her. she has her future firmly clenched in hand. if not good, at least a future.

eww i feel disgusted with my jealousy and should stop taking example, so offensive. but i believe people would agree with me because we belong to the same type. my theory is fucking valid.

i had been depending so much on luck lately and the reason was me constantly being in the situation of fix or ruin my future. the thing i can think of for now is luck, if not efforts. as i'm having unusual tough time to get to my future, i've no choice but to worship the god of luck which, i doubt it exists.

anyway, i believe luck can give superpower in switching improbable to possible; thus making difference between fix and ruin. so, more luck please!

sushi day.

2011-05-01T09:28:00.004+08:00

i wish the thing i face will not just be computer and handphone. =)

i screwed the damn exam.

2011-04-30T21:44:00.004+08:00

as i stepped out the exam hall, i discussed the paper with my friends. i don't normally do that but this time i did. as i had to confirm which of my answers contribute marks. i sound like i had written a booklet of shit to my lecturer, but so true. it is a piece of shit. i was holding back my tears and controlling my voice normal enough so that my friends wouldn't realize i'm about to break down. at the same time knowing i just made a fool out of myself to miss out a big portion of marks on the paper for which most students can do well.

well what the fuck was i doing seriously. i was struggling to write for the paper and thought most of the students sitting in the hall did the same. but it always turns out not. can you tell that feeling? like you realized you're the only one swimming hard to the shore when you turned back, people gone up to the boat. stupid or what. loser!

from then i know i failed yet still hoping. thinking there's always something like, markah kesian. but! how much could i get? especially i was just stunning at the questions and by the time i came back to reality, i left so many sections blanked. just a mere discussion, i confirmed i failed miserably. exactly the same feeling like after i did my test1.

just not long after i drove out my uni's gate. i got worried and more worried, i might end up not getting anything for my 2 years 'hardwork'. i burst into tears till i barely see the road then i forced myself to stop at a side. fortunately i did stopped when i'm still aware of myself or i might be on my way to hell.

i swear i hadn't been crying so loud ever since my childhood. i literally shouted i don't want to fail like i once shouted i don't want to bath when i was a kid. so shameful. then i shouted a few times more because it was uncontrollable like some gorilla-type of ghost just possessed on me.

it was strangely a long journey but it takes only 30mins. i learned something; life after entering degree year 2 is like driving on a highway. you cannot stop just as you like, if not people crash you from behind you die, and you cannot go another way because only highway brings you home the fastest.

if i by luck or by chance get through this without extending my uni period, i swear i will make good use of the one year that is granted to me. more love please. =\

bring me away

2011-04-29T15:21:00.001+08:00

bring me to a bus station
i go on a vacation

bring me to the airport
i take a cup of hot latte and go on board

bring me to a hotel
i lay on the bed and relax

bring me to the beach
i paint the sunset

bring me to the sea
i swim in my swim tube

bring me to others' country
i overdress myself and walk on the street

photo my sis brought back from taiwan, i edited.

joong ki's leaving running man.

2011-04-28T15:42:00.003+08:00

i was so upset to know my joongki oppa is leaving my all time favorite show, running man
non of them should leave the show and no new member can ever mix with them, they had their roles to play
they brought so much happiness to me at least once a week for more than a year
unfortunately things change, now i can no longer see him in the show
wtf i sound so emo. i swear i teared at the news.

him being discovered hiding at some obvious space. cute!!

<3 eight of them!

aww..so used to see them together as one!

i hope he'll change his mind T.T

on the side note, he definitely is more worth to be admired than JB i don't care!

i lost the patient

2011-04-25T01:57:00.002+08:00

on a single free day..

a day to catch up with the girl
but the day ended so fast.
when the meeting up get less frequent
i start to think what's gonna happen to people around me in the future.

in about two years time,
everybody will get their first jobs,
what will i be doing one and a half year from now?

perhaps..more love, more time, more money?

i want a promised future

i lost patient towards uncertainties.

honestly, i've never really feel that i had control of my own life

it's the community that made me who i am

i've been changing my mind for so many times

and this happened ever since i started pursue my degree

sometimes i felt like working hard to be rich later

there are also times when i so wanted to crash into the mercedes-benz

and hoping he will fell in love with me at the first sight then i'll be rich.

i guess the former is more realistic, back to revision!

believe.

2011-04-14T22:07:00.001+08:00

think out of the box.

2011-04-13T07:24:00.009+08:00

i got all upset at this hour to know i was tagged at a facebook message that probably trying to undermine me. i thought it was a facebook/twitter break, but i gave up resuming my revisions.

the message is about people claiming the debit card which i'd brought up to my friends during last month is now suspect as a scam that we were trying to cheat the public.

i won't give a shit if it's not for the fact my friends(and newly met friends) lost trust in me. i feel worst when i see my newly met friends felt themselves innocently got cheated by a stranger(me) who want to be friend for benefit. but so honest that i truly treasure the bond we formed in such short time. along comes my best friends freaking out and didn't yet question me directly. i instantly feel i have the responsibility to relieve these panicked human.

then i'm too annoyed to start thinking how others who turned me down previously (due to lack of trust) would confirm their suspicions after reading the false messages. they confirm judged me as a cheater i bet. but that shows how shallow our friendships are, so i don't mind.

also, i don't understand why did people even come up with things like that. all i can read from it was, "i'm jealous you're earning money just by convincing, i need to stop your business because i can't do that!". well, this person obviously do not read blogs, bloggers earn just by writing, some just, camwhore.

and to further ease these people(in case there are others also think that of me), i sacrificed my time for it. it's not easy to deal with incomplete/wrong details in application forms like, making calls to every single customer and reconfirm their details. not forgetting those time i used to be suspected by customers for holding their IC, waited in long queue. all these stressed me out to have nightmares nights after nights. not exaggerated. i bet this dude don't know how all these worth money and how those small money is important to us. thus, coming up with that nonsense.

one last thing, people happened to tell me they worry i might be cheated with the job. speaking of that, i think you're trying to belittle my reasoning. am i that stupid to you to not know if people are trying to cheat on me? for something like that? i'm offended for a minute but then i know you're just worry as a friend. i'm not angry.

can we go out?

2011-04-10T23:59:00.002+08:00

coz' i don't want to study today.

two singing birds.

2011-04-09T01:40:00.001+08:00

it's crazy how much we do not look like sisters

but we almost are sharing the same voice

we shared so much in common when it comes to singing

lyrics we used to memorize;

how we used to like a song;

how we wanted to be good in singing;

all just because we grown up with the same radio.

stressed out.

2011-04-08T00:26:00.001+08:00

sometimes i thought
there were so many junctions along the way
why did i keep turning into the same one everyday
i got so bored of heading to the same place

this place is so far from my home
it's been almost 2 years already
but i know once i get things done
there'll be no reason to visit again

on this windy day i drove under some huge bridges
on the divider were bushes that are shaded from the sun all year round
they live in the city just like me
but to me, they were so complete

i felt like a loser that i had to compare myself with objects like that
i think i just got extra intense because of the never ending tests
and it got me into thinking how i felt secure just by staring at the top of a really tall building
i actually thought of commit suicide, completely ridiculous.

Xiao Hui's 21st

2011-04-03T14:07:00.003+08:00

celebrated at Chilled Out@sunway parade. basically we were attracted to the deal offered on the internet, decided to give it a try. nothing important to share because we were offended with their services, but it wasn't a wrong decision. we had fun time, at least i do.

food of the day

we were catching up with each others throughout the whole meal. you could hear at least 3 conversations going on if you happened to walk by, sometimes you see people talking to people at the other end of the table. i like how the ambiance don't stop us from being noisy.

by the way, i'd great time changing my clothings throughout the night as well. fml. first, i wore the wrong dress code and put myself in totally lonesome situation. so i called up steron to bring me clothes. then, i found out i couldn't be more photogenic with sleeveless, i went to the toilet again. one thing is, i feel awesome if public toilet feels like a hotel's one.

just when we were half way taking picture, the cake suddenly appeared out of nowhere and ..awkward! nobody's in the situation, steron quickly picked up pieces of human bodies and put sap heng dei back together. and then, the birthday girl was forced to wear an exaggerated wig, but cute.

laikuen and the twins made the flower crown for the birthday girl, like a princess.

i was eyeing on it the whole night. o.o

photo from photo session before my camera run out of battery!

as requested, get it here or ask from me.

steron with the birthday girl.

i don't know why, but from my past experience, you simply make a picture perfect, effortlessly!

tsk tsk..what's that on your right arm? i wish it's just tattoo.

that's how white unity wishes birthday girl.

can you see the magic of the crown??

happy birthday xiao hui!

this feeling never goes off.

2011-04-02T17:00:00.005+08:00

if we started dating

today would be our 2nd anniversary

truth was she couldn't let you go

maybe that's what stops us in the end

last time you shouted at me

my heart has broken

i made the mistake of being rude

then i know i fall out the list of girls you'll concern

till now when i see your face

i still felt like i'm short listed

like trying to avoid putting my disgusting face infront of you

or like avoid talking to you in case i make the same mistake again

crazy McD breakfast.

2011-03-30T09:38:00.001+08:00

someone could be so energetic in their voice early in the morning
guess that's how they became a leader
or was it because they were the leaders?
ahh.. i'm confused i'm still so sleepy

between sunday and tuesday.

2011-03-25T22:40:00.078+08:00

i don't remember since when
i'd like sitting down to one corner
reading all your messages
like i haven't once read them

you said if time ever moves backwards
you'd love to know me since young
if i cried, you'll use your fat hand
to pat gently on my head so that i stop crying
if i laughed, you'll smack me to cry again..

all about sweet people.

2011-03-24T22:17:00.001+08:00

sweet enough there're people do think i'm pretty
it's last year's most heart-melting birthday gift
from princess jess
i took too long to expose it though

this morning i realized that
people is too sweet to recognize me out of the crowds
he's not anyone but a really admirable person
honestly my heart skipped a beat

on the same day, i finished and quit the job that pleases around

some people understood my position way too fast

some people belittle my reasoning

that's ok, everything that bothered me finally went away

thank you, sweet people who helped me.

last night

2011-03-23T23:52:00.001+08:00

no matter how tired
i place my shoes back at the rack
a thing that i'll never forget to do
because i can't afford to see them lost in the next morning

coming home at 3 in the midnight
i bunned my hair up, took a short shower and went to bed
my friends hate that but i couldn't be bothered to wash my hair
i felt gravity pull and then i fall asleep

i don't remember my age.

2011-03-20T11:49:00.025+08:00

last week, entertainment was out of reach
the older you get, the more you don't need entertainment
you need more rest hour
i guess i'm getting too old with stress, despite my age

today, i can't help but steal some time off my schedule
a thief is always unethical but not a thief of time
listening to raindrops and wrapping myself in blanket
once again, i found leisure after god knows how long.

+ - x ÷

2011-03-15T00:07:00.002+08:00

something to think
something to memorize
something to tolerate
something to forgive
all the somes give everything

i wanna be rich inside, not outside.

2011-03-12T10:43:00.002+08:00

it's like medicine
it solves every gloominess
losing patience towards human never better than machine
at least i feel like so

i couldn't talk more
not because i'm not convincing
because i'm afraid of judgement
i want at least the relationship hold

youhearme.

2011-03-09T18:50:00.001+08:00

i cried

i seem to do it about every other day lately

yesterday i cried so hard that i choked on air

it needs so much strength to deal with difficult thing like that

and that's when life's tough and..

hopeless.

don't close that gate

2011-03-08T02:12:00.002+08:00

truth is, i cry myself to bed.
i know i'm tired of all i've been doing
i felt completely fearful to come to realize
that,
i've no one to hold on
all by myself..

2011-02-20T02:37:00.001+08:00

i never want to eat my promise.

living pretty good with all the chinese new year left over.

sunday

2011-01-30T11:49:00.002+08:00

feeling great at this moment
rolling on my bed
under really dim light
chewing on countless mashmallow
with some pimple dries up
looked at the clock
it's not even noon yet
that's means i still have more than half a day to bliss out

wide smile :)

it only seems like i'm happy.

2011-01-15T01:33:00.004+08:00

i began feeling strange about myself. it's like, it's like.. i feel happy when i'm around people but a completely different person when i return home. but the thing is that i got used to being home alone and i like it!

i swear i never once felt this way, just recently. very often, i stoned and i thought that life is getting very difficult to move on. i'm such a person, overwhelmed with negative thoughts and things got worst when i never listen to people who try to insert positive things on me.

going back to college in two days, so short. i feel tremendously reluctant! i guess this is the reason i'm feeling confused and depressed. 6 subjects, which i probably am not interested in any one. it's even depressed to think about the packed schedules i have for the next few months until May. i cannot imagine it. at some point of time, i even doubt to continue my studies because of the long holiday given. i'm just saying.

alright! before i terrify myself, i should be off to bed.

goodbyes again, sigh.

2011-01-13T10:42:00.003+08:00

i can totally understand what is it going on. one finds herself in the sea of strangers, staying all alone so far away from the home. this feeling didn't once happen to me until recently i was in penang. but think again, i'd enjoyed. for being far enough to separate myself from the flow of everyday life, i first felt perfectly righteous to be absent-minded for everything i used to care. it felt like i had a new life.

but then, four days later, everything goes back to the same old things.

in this case your condition is a hundred times better. at least you leave this place-a place full of frustrations, longer. for longer you could escape. you said you don't want to leave, what a pity. but don't be silly, it's just temporary. i'm sure. friend, leaving is not easy, but you got to go on to accomplish your dream.

lastly, i was really surprised and touched to received a personal message from you. here's a very classical one, friendship forever! <3

the goodbye.

2011-01-10T11:43:00.144+08:00

on our way to airport, you said you have mixed feeling. you said sending me off will cause tear jerk reaction so it'll be better to drop me at the nearby bus stop instead.

just then i sensed that there was blues somewhere along the humorous line. by the next second, the gloominess instantly spread on me. i looked out the window, gazed at the sea, secretly thought, i'm feeling the same way. the thing i did to get rid was repeatedly telling myself, i'm just leaving a stranger behind. well, it helped.

it was my first time flying alone. i felt so worry until i was about to tear, but having those constant reassurances comforted me. quickly i'm impressed that, someone could be so familiar with airport. airplane.

it's blissful to be sent off by someone who would miss you.

bittersweet.

2011-01-09T23:56:00.002+08:00

look to the left; look to the right;

i love throwing away my dad's junks secretly. that's because he never use them and never realize they're there when he needs it. therefore, buy another one.

it's never been easy to throw someone out of mind though. it's heart-aching. especially someone who brought so much happiness to me. however, it ought to be let go when it appears the other way round for them.

i had a crazy idea in my head.

2011-01-07T17:51:00.001+08:00

to worry how others think of me; to worry how a matter brings good and bad;

sometimes, things to be worried doesn't by any means as much as they needed. i've great fear of making mistake that leads me to avoid anything that has no guarantee.

with missing, lonesome and pain, days dragged by. it's gonna be ain't the same. though, got the idea, but forgo might gives regret. i shall certainly be prepared.

stubborn or playful?

the vacation.

2011-01-05T18:59:00.001+08:00

i'm on a vacation after so much hesitation. i was longing to go to the beach since forever. but honestly, these few days weren't happening much because i spent most of the time following the daily routines of my so called tour guide wtf.

though, except that i went to the beach at night, i'm truly not disappointed because i understood there's nothing i can do in penang since i don't expect myself visiting to tourists spots, reason is because i don't have a camera with me! :(

i don't have much to talk about penang but people here are all talking in hokkien, which is one alien language to me. other than that everything is as fine as KL.

flying in few hours. chaoz!

point?

2010-12-29T20:10:00.004+08:00

seriously, i'm getting abit bothersome to update blog post when i already uploaded those photos on facebook. but anyhow sharing a little more of inside jokes here maybe.

the title itself is one inside joke. fml never find people explaining inside jokes one. but that was what we've been asking each other. it actually started in the course of discussing the party, we wanted some games but every games suggested sounds no point to us. like, what's the point drinking the lemon and sugar? what's the point of asking truth question for 'truth or dare'? yea, kinda no point.

food:

seriously, that's our food of the night, ~~maggi!~~ i mean instand noodle.

i was ultra happy to see beers in my fridge for the first time! which significants i'm grown wtf.

butter cookies for the festival! there're a lot more weird objects made with the dough, honestly i had so much fun making those cookies. guess what i made?

lk decorating our handmade christmas tree.

the tree's also another interesting story. okay, leave that alone.

seriously, my friends all are really entertaining. there's also funny stories behind those balloons!!

me happily swimming in the pool of balloons wtf.

started preparing food when the clock ticks 9o' clock fol.

5 minutes and we can have our meals!

it's steaming hot!

fried eggs, hotdogs and meatballs for side dishes.

group pic!

for games.

christmas countdown!

presents for exchange.

btw, joyce left as soon as the presents exchange session. >.<

shune got mine, and i got xhui, who didn't get to attend.

i felt so worry my present couldn't fit her.

a peep to what i gifted her.

she was under extreme pressure as well, that people wouldn't like her present. lmao.
(my nervousness was actually spread by her wtf)

it's l'oreal hair shampoo and conditioner. i want that lor!

game session. point?..!

no point, especially i'm the loser.

rolling on floor laughing(rofl), literally.

punishment: to drink lemon cum sugar depending on dice's number.

spoonful of sugar into petite amount of lemon.

testing on ping's juice.

this is how much i got for 1 lemon.

for once i hated running man for the bad influence..

dessert of the day: ice-cream cake!

btw, i love the background of this picture.

posing with lips cookies.

see that?! i made the running man cookies!! so excited wtf.

we call it a night with a gossips session.

my living room instantly transform into cozy bedroom. harhar.

merry christmas!

In dark.

2010-12-28T14:45:00.001+08:00

i risk my eyes as i'm typing this in dark. it's mid night i fixed my gaze at the beam shone from the netbook, i used to not shut it down. i couldn't fall asleep, something got up to me, it's not the first time. i never mention, you never want to tell, things went on like nothing happen. for the fact that we are not strangers, it would be necessary to have mercy on you. despite having the same interest, but we never share the best thing. god alone knows why. though, i had the brief answer in this guessing game. what else to do? blame the ease i have to outdo others for what i'm passionated. curse fate for having petty minds around.

doing nothing.

2010-12-18T19:21:00.001+08:00

i've never been good at doing nothing. i'll feel bored, lifeless and above all, guilty. after entering university, semester break has always been the most unproductive days to go through. to the extent my parents got mad at me just because they think i'm boasting about my blissful days of absolutely nothing! hey, i'm innocent here. i need holidays!

however having that said, i realized i've really did nothing except going out with friends. another sinful thing is i gave up taking SOA exam because i feel like to do nothing for a longer time. fml. ahhh..i really hope to expect more from myself.

one question strikes me, "where do you see yourself in five years time?" ever since i heard of this question, i felt lost. everytime i heard of how people had plans for their own lives or already had some achievements at their young age, i felt amazed. the more i felt awe in them, the more i get panic. i start to realize i should come out with at least one feasible plan for my future.

after nights and nights of not having tight sleep, it's a wonder i still couldn't come out with any plan. but one thing i wanted to do is to have a stable financial status by my 28th. by that i mean, i could spent myself freely but rationally like, going on vacation with the family. i always wanted to go to europe countries with them. especially during winter, we can take family photos with white background and each of us wearing ultra thick winter clothings, like a rich family wtf.

like this:

wtf..

another thing is, i wanted to get married by 28th as well! haha. at first i wanted it to be 25th, but seems impossible. *emo* i will make sure my relationship grow strong and stable before i married which i estimate must take me at least 4-5 years. however, i might change my mind anytime because, who would reject the proposal by someone like, joong ki?? OMG *cover mouth and shout*

so now i bet you're amazed with my 'plan'. i got the missions now and i should work hard for it. please motivate me!

the sunday.

2010-12-15T21:00:00.003+08:00

me @levain boulangerie patisserie.

had a small gathering with the gang before foo leaves KL again. i was longing to visit this place after seeing the reviews on the internet, but i'm quite disappointed with the crowd, to the extent we had to arrange the tables ourselves to one pathetic corner under the shade.

xiao hui, steron, foo and ping.

ping, kae and shune.

the pathetic corner we sat.

macaroons, i don't know what's so special about this, didn't bother to try though because the siza doesn't worth the price, imo.

overall, i think sunday is not the best time to visit. not only that, i think we should go early in the morning so that we can get to eat fresh breads. ending this abruptly with the last picture of me. =)