crazy bitch.

tmr is the beginning of next half of 2011
it's been a tough one
the expressed sorrow touches my heart
deep down in it, i teared
surprised though
maybe there's rarely a chance you show it

i'm not exactly bad at comforting
it depends on conditions
tonight i'm touched to thinking to at least write something to you
but i brushed it off because i saw others took care of you
i do not want to do anything
that i think others are less likely to appreciate

where do you put me at in your life
we both know we can't tell we are close
sometimes i felt ridiculous
because girls can  make me heartbroken
i thought it's reserved for the boys
girls hurt more than boys, truthfully

a few years ago
i started feeling unworthy to be a giving person
that might be one of the reason
why i do not text out birthday wishes
especially to the people who i know would receive a lot of them
mine will end up valueless

ungenerous.
jealous.
i do not born to be like this
i'm trained
by people who hurt me, ignore me in the past
trained to be like a crazy bitch.

.

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i had a crazy idea in my head.

to worry how others think of me; to worry how a matter brings good and bad;

sometimes, things to be worried doesn't by any means as much as they needed.
i've great fear of making mistake and it leads me to avoid anything that has no guarantee.

with missing, lonesome and pain, days dragged by.
it's ain't gonna be the same.
though, got the idea, but forgo might gives regret.
i shall certainly be prepared.

stubborn or playful?

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