when i'm at fault.

it was the only house lighted in the town the night, i was jumping in joyful completing my assignment of the semester. i took the car key and drove all the way to another town to return a book, not a story book though. i completed all the demanding tasks and was finally sat down to slowly wait for tomorrow.

sometimes i rather get busy, it keeps me from thinking a lot. especially when i'm at fault. exactly like now, i could think as hell lot of things and feel extremely guilty about them. i'm this hopeless. there are moments i regard them as worst time to be unoccupied. that is, 1-6 a.m. and TRAIN RIDES.

tell me you never get emo when taking public transport alone, and i will not believe!

couples of days ago, i had challenged this long-moving-at-high-speed-thing-called-L-R-T again after so long. on my way home leaving KLCC, my attention was chop-chop drawn towards this old man who just got separated with his wife. it was not that crowded that time but the door just shut right at the moment the old man entered without his wife.

i hold on to a pole and secretly feeling guilty. by standing nearest to the door, i should have squeeze into the LRT with my best effort instead of trying to portray myself as a tolerant Malaysian who slowly board on the train.(because i want to let people come out first!)the door eventually close not long after all the passengers were out from the train. this certainly doesn't works as there are equal numbers of people need to get off as well as board on the train. so if i were a step quicker, the wife might not need to be separated. the more i thought, the more i felt myself hak yan zang! 

after all, the old man could still meet his wife at their destination but i was just that unoccupied to think about all these for perfect 9 stations.

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my mum wakes me up in the morning.

i had been skipping classes lately. someone please make me go to Uni everyday. i miss those days when my mum was to wake me up, make sure i go for classes with breakfast on the table and concern if there'll be a jam at that time.

these occasions have apparently, stopped. it was my fault. i asked for all these.

when my mum nags me to sleep, i know it's for my health. when she wakes me up as early as 8 every weekends, i know it's to develop a habit in me. but now she has gave up on all these. i don't even remember when was the last time she scolded me for these because i neglected her words everytime she bugs advises.

i think if she ever wakes me up again, i would probably be crying in my bed that morning.

now i look myself in the mirror. i see the out of shape body with excessive hair fall and pimples growing all over the face. seems like they had planned in advance to attack me at once. but anyhow i bet the reason were my upside down routine though.

for the 4341432326789 times i mentioned how on average i go to bed really late in the night, like almost dawn. and then eventually waking up in the afternoon. sometimes i really think i'm not a human.

i should go to bed early today and onwards!

though, there no longer be my mother waking me up already..

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it's time to update before another gap is built between the previous post.

i'm quiet.

i'm quiet despite how disbelieving you people are.

i happened to mention i'm someone quiet

but i was refuted on the spot i finished my sentence.

i actually agree with the disagreement

and so i move it on with, nahh..i was just joking.

but later i realized i was fitted.

even if people recognized me as a talkative one,

i don't mind.

at least i'd hide unhappiness from you people.

you told me my cheers have brighten your days

that's a lot better than people comforting me every now and then.

the reason why i say i'm quiet

i kept my opinion to myself more often now

do you still remember how straight forward i was before?

i gradually change myself after an incident
which engraved in my mind.

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home feels great.

the moment i open my room, tears dropped.

it felt like a century ago since i left

in fact, it's just a few days.

i put down my bags of clothes

clean my feet and then laid flat on the bed.

there's absence of sleepiness but

tranquility is what I've been looking for.

stared at the ceiling for a bit, thought of the recent event.

i did what i should do, also what i shouldn't

the thing is, didn't do well.

my heart was heavy.

it's only after I've been in University,

i realized that there's almost nothing to make me a smart ass

low ability of understand, slow intelligence

most importantly, poor adaptability.

that's me right there.

lost count on the number of time crying.

lessons learned to ditch crying were not useful anymore

pinching tights is especially a lie

trust me, much strength is needed

when everything upsets you.

eye sights were drawn towards my study table

it was as messy as my thought.

spend some times to tidy up

and my mood recover bit

i thought i could replenish my room

it would be the great thing to do.

clearing my cupboard.

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